I love you, until my dying day...

paralysed
missing you at

2006-02-21-9:07 p.m.
paralysed.. i have legs but i cant walk. i have ears but i cant hear. hais..yup jus felt like writing sth..about 'your' faithfulness to keep myself going even in discouragements/ busy-ness.

you walked pass me but i looked away
you walked towards me but i struggled to get away
yet when i fall, i fall into your arms
when i am lost, i ended up at your doorstep

you didnt give up on me
you never stop thinking of me
i am trapped in your presence until you come again
thank you for not letting me go
thank you for loving me the same

i was down and you spurred me on
i was scared and you held my little hand
all sorrows stripped away and girded with gladness
in your presence, i'll be made perfect

2006-02-16-11:55 p.m.
Hieeeeeee!! Haha! have been very busy lately. Have block tests the whole of next week. It is a challenging year, being in sec4 and when u are left behind, theres no one but youself to help get u out of it. And i'm one of those being left behind, struggling badly with my amaths. (btw, if u wanna noe how i continued amaths, do ask me about it, God is great!)
Anyway, am i being crazy over my studies that reading the Bible is like a form of studying too? I, myself dunno if i'm.. Or am i too distracted by my tests and catching up my school work? Time is so limited that 5hours a day, for sleeping is consider more than enough. I'm not longer living in the history where i can take my sweet time doing things slowly. Times changed and time is passing me quickily. Its hard to persevere! Stimes i wish i can fade away and .. disappear into thin air.
A christian life isnt a smooth path
but a narrow path with ups and downs
Yet, it isnt a lonely path
Surely air is around me everywhere i go,
it gives me direction
till i reach my last destination.

I wont get up
No i wont give in
Cus after the night and the day will begin

The sun will come out
God will shine again
See the cloud run away and the raining
I know after it all, i will live again
Its only a matter of time

Till i'm back, on my feet
And i'm standing tall
No it wont bring me down
I will not fall
I know your by my side
Help me through it all
Your with me all the way

2006-01-17-7:23 p.m.
yup i failed. And during chem test i was totally not thinking bout the answers (gonna fail it..), was so distracted. i really wonder if God promises are true... but i shouldnt doubt him. the human nature shouts the things to do, and God's soft prompting will be easily ignored.

I thank you Lord
for the trials that come my way,
In that way i can grow each day
as i let you lead
And i thank you Lord for the patience those trials bring
In the process of growing,
I can learn to care.

I thank you Lord,
with each trial i feel inside,
that you're there to help and guide me away from wrong,
'cos you promise Lord,
that with every testing
that your way of escaping,
easier to bear.

But it goes against the way I am
To put my human nature down
And let the Spirit take control of all i do
'Cos when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the things to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

Even tho all these things might distract me from God's promise, my faith must stay! I must trust in God no matter how tough it is. his peace shall remain forever in me. Thank you God, for your faithfulness and grace.

2006-01-15-9:04 p.m.
yup, i'm meeting my v.p on tues to get my amaths results. I Shall TRUSt in hiS prOmise!
last year, when i got back my EOY results for amaths, i failed even tho God said i'll pass. Until today, i struggled to clinged onto this promise and.. at tt time, it was quite hopeless bcus i see tt there isnt any way i can take amaths anymore as i was forced to drop it. but the eyes of faith sees the way that a human eye dun. therefore, tho at a point of time, i've been struggling with it bcus of the lack of faith, but i really thank God for his grace! bcus today, i see hope!
And for sometime, God has been showing and reminding me about rainbows. And its jus so weird bcus i kept listening to the song 'rainbow' by hillsong kids but i dun really care about the lyrics.. and one rainy day, i jus REALISED tt God has been speaking to me SOOOOO MANY TIMES! (about rainbow)
During the noel's ark, God caused caused a huge flood to cover the evil land and every1 will be drown, except the animals, noel and his family. For forty days and nights, the rains fell. And as a sign of God's promise, never to flood the Earth again, He had set the rainbows in the clouds.
Therefore, this rainbow represents that God's promises is true! This is what God had been telling me but i'm jus ... (sighh)
Anyway, God is so important now! I really cannot live a day without him. I know i'm too dependant on God but who else can i truly depend on? Myself? Human? (i've great frens!) but God is the one incharge of everyth... His ways never go wrong!
God, all i want to do is to live my life according to your purpose. Give me faith Lord. bcus stimes i'll doubt the things tt u say. Forgive me Father.

How can i say thanks to the things, you've done for me
Things, so undeserved, yet you gave to prove your love for me
The voices of a million angels, could not express my gratitude
All that i am and ever hoped to be
I owe it all to thee

2005-12-13-9:08 p.m.
love this song so so much! haha..

Natalie Grant : Held / GJPix

2005-11-24-8:45 p.m.
Who am i

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

Chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

2005-08-11-5:07 p.m.
hais.. why is perservering jus until God comes, so difficult. Why must i face so much. =( i really hate all these discouragments/insults.. wuteva.. i'm not a good christian. look at me. a great sinner. should i carry on being a christian or jus die out? i dunno. i want to perservere.. but .. i dunnoooooo! really wish life ends here. i have nth left here. i jus wished to go up there? or mayb i'll go down~ bcus i'm a great sinner! every1's blaming me. i dunno what to do. ='( its all my fault for every bad thing that happens. my heart hurts so much. tears cant stop flowing. and im like so filled with hatred for my mother now. why? why am i so evil? i dun want it this way! i want to live the life that i want to, but i jus cant! its it my fault? wat do i do in the 1st place? everytime i do sth wrong, its like, the whole world is against me. God, will u forgive me? or forget me? i really need some help now. i dunno wats happening? these memories seemed erased from my mind, strangly..~ now, i've changed to become a cold blooded mammal. my mind is fill with nth and i have no feelings now. i'm jus disappointed in myself. why am i living sucha life? so horrible!
"ur a lousy christian! look at ur life! call urself a christian? dun insult Christ's name! ur nth compared to a hooligan... go to church for wat? hypocrite!" -i'm really hurt but watever u said. whoever u are. jus shut ur gap. ur really irritating. i know u love spoiling my dignity, humilating me. well, i cant be bothered for now. i jus wanna live life my own way. can i do it? i'm sorry every body. those tt i've disappointed. things jus go wrong. =( i hope these pills dun kill. its jus tt motherly love, i'm waiting. so dun take me away. i shall perservere. and not let any1 down now! i must make it up to these pple. hmm.. common test is coming. so yea, study hard hard. =)

2004-10-02-10:07 p.m.
=D i'm going back to God!

2004-09-25-10:06 p.m.
Scold me kill me slap me
Do wuteva u want to me
(For all i care)
I HATE you ALL!
Gave u my heart but u broke it once again
I can trust u no more
You're not even consider as a friend
How can u be a councilor let alone a friend
You're erased from my mind forever..

Welcome to my life

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don’t belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don’t know what it’s like
When nothing feels alright
You don’t know what it’s like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you’re down
To feel like you’ve been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one’s there to save you
No you don’t know what it’s like

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you’re bleeding

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I’m happy
But I’m not gonna be ok!

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don’t know what it’s like

2004-09-24-1:49 p.m.
woh! i saw bryan smoking at the bus stop today.. hmm.. he did not stop smoking.. heard tat he smoked when i was sec1. haiz.. he did not change for the better..anyway.. today sch was .. .. okay .. haha.. nth much, nth interesting. =) I kinda pity my history teacher.. lolx..my class was as terrible as usual.. wonder how she can tolerate all the craps we give her.. haha.. she cant control us, she's too soft hearted. we're all taking her soft-heartedness for granted.. poor her.. lolx.. and danny took a video of her in class + her funny voice! hahaha! "you better copy u noe." "u! come here.. sit on e floor." "take out ur exercise book, i wanna check" .. ..... hahaha..

2004-09-18-10:58 p.m.
so irritated! almost every1 is avoiding me.. they dun tuk to me in msn ... argh! blocked ALL of them! (hey! dun think i cannot live w/o u pple!) argh.. i better change myself.. i cant stand myself being so quiet in sch.. its juz not me..! haiz.. but stimes its bcuz of the pple around me.. they makes me wanna .. hmm.. how do i describe it.. mayb they're too 'worldly' and its like we've nth much to chat about.. we dun share the same interest.

haha..today church was so fun! i din went in at all.. i was hiding in e toilet (my daddy's back and i'm afraid he'll kill my precious fishes) .. COS (cry out softly) .. eva tot i was angry bout her not coming to meet me and even made me wait for her for bout 45mins.. (not ur fault.. dun blame urself k..?) yup.. aft tat she waited for me outside e cubicle (quite long right?! haha) for me to come out and then we went to our secret place n PARTY! hahaa.. listen 98.7 (tho i not suppose to but.. i dun gif a damn!) eating cookies sweets.. hahaha.. comparing my josh and her joel.. hahaha! my josh won!! yAyy! =) ok.. itz late. bye//

2004-09-17-2:34 p.m.
haiz.. i'm feelin so horrible! i feel tat pple in church dislikes me a lot. By tat look on their face, i noe i suck! they've changed. (mayb i'm juz too sensitive) ..when they're online in msn, they even stimes avoid me. (THANKS PPLE! YOU ALL DUN HAF TO FORCE URSELF TO LIKE/SMILE AT ME EITHER!).. i cannot be close to ANY of my frenz again. i tried to but the more i try, the more i dislike them. haiz.. its sucha bad feeling. I dun want frenz tat SCOLDS me. wats e point? i might as well call them mummy. i noe tat when i've done sth wrong, i'm be scolded/nagged at. [condemned].. (HEy! ITS MY LIFE OK!! SO BACK OFF!) haiz.. i'm the lonliest girl on Earth. At least the beggar on e streets r still noticed by pple who gives they some money. but who noticed my sadness? my depression? my madness?!! no one. Not even God whom i love to tuk to. My life in sch is like HELL. And where's God? he probably listened to my voice too much tat he got bored. so now i better stop tukin. when i'm feelin scared tat day, did u actually helped me? aft quite long, my mum woke up and everyth's back to normal. where r u God? Why do u tuk to my frenz n avoid me? Do u hate me? if yes, then y did u tell me in e past tat u loved me like tat river which flows continously? haiz.. i noe tat i'm a sucha pest which gives u many problems to headache! sorry,i may haf many problems. but u dun haf to bother.. i'm so stress, my exams r coming, so i might not do my qt anymore. i may not attend church everyweek. i'm a great sinner, ur a GOD! ur so far apart from me. so mayb tats y i couldn hear ur voice. God, u dun haf to shout to me. i will not hear it. (i'm a bit deaf) hmm.. i've done so many bad things, u may never forgive me this time. so juz forget. i'm a different person. I'm not longer tat Anna, a happy-go-lucky girl who puts tat smile at her face everyday. now, she hardly even smile. wats gone into her? [i dunno myself]

2004-08-15-10:18 p.m.
hEya.. ahha.. tests~ tests..ahhaha.. score full marks for maths! woO~hOo..! haahhaa! Next maths test coming this tues.. Muz pray yEa? hahaha..

2004-07-15-4:22 p.m.
wOww.. how long haf i not been addin entries? haha.. i'm so lazy, i cant stand myself.. haha.. so many programmes all waitin for me.. haiz.. CIP.. CIC.. RCC (zi yuan, willing to go..haha) TP..->cant skip, if i skip, i'll haf to go for detention till 6..

-.-! haiz.. so muCh hw! haizz.. i need restttt! State education is so stressful.. if i haf a chance, i think i would prefer home education.. hahaa..then i wont haf to wake up so early for ScH! (normal days-> 6am..) haiz.. sChh..sChhhh..SCHH! i musnt let my studies be a kinda distraction!! yes! ok.. i gotta go study..~ lotsa workk.. haiz.. by3zz`~

2004-06-24-9:58 p.m.
hAiz.. felt terrible.. i dunno.. juz feel sad.. haiz.. is this call spiritual attack?? well.. not so sure..haiz.. self pity...... anger..... haiz.. this is gettin me mad!! =(

2004-06-04-11:28 p.m.
wAhAhaz.. wEnt tO indOor stadium .. hillsongs come to Singapore!! And dA wOrship wAs GREAtt!!! vERRRryyy gD!! =D

2004-06-01-9:12 a.m.
wOohOo~! hAhAhaz! jUz fiNished my q.t.. abOut tEmptAtions.. hOw satan tempt Jesus (chAngin dA stOnes tO brEad, fAllin frm a high area n sEe if God'll sAve hiM aNd .. bOwin doWn tO sAtAn and dA city would be Jesus') but he din` fall fOr any of 'em! wOw! hAhAhaz! itZz~ JEREMY's QuAck's bdae!! And u nOe wAt hE said? "girls are an endangered species of animal that require protection" .. hAhAhaAz! =Pp

you're <~always in my heart~>